Last updated: November 2026
What should you avoid saying in child custody mediation?
Avoid criticizing the other parent, making demands without a parenting schedule, or exaggerating facts. Mediators listen for which parent focuses on the child's needs and can cooperate. Attorneys are not permitted in Family Court Services sessions, so preparation beforehand matters. General information only, not advice for your case.
Family Court Services mediation is short, often under an hour, and parents frequently walk in with no plan. That is where trouble starts.
Does your attorney attend the mediation session?
No. Attorneys are not permitted in the Family Court Services session, and we do not attend it. What we do is prepare clients before they go.
That preparation covers what the session is for, what a workable parenting schedule looks like, and how to explain your concerns without attacking the other parent. We handle private mediation separately, which is a different process with different rules.
What mistakes do parents make in the room?
The most common one is talking about the other parent's faults for most of the session. A mediator is trying to find an arrangement that fits the child. Ten minutes of grievances rarely helps that.
Another is arriving with an all-or-nothing position. A parent who says only "I want full custody" gives the mediator nothing to work with. A parent who can describe school pickup, weekends, and holidays gives them a lot. We saw this recently with a client from Clairemont who came to us the week before her session. Once she had a written schedule for Tuesday and Thursday pickups and alternating weekends, her session went very differently than she feared.
A third is overstating things. Statements that cannot be backed up tend to cost credibility, and credibility is most of what you bring to a short session.
How should you prepare before the session?
- Write out a realistic weekly schedule for school days, weekends, and holidays.
- List your concerns about the child's routine, health, and school in neutral language.
- Decide in advance which points you can compromise on.
- Gather any court orders already in place.
- Plan how you will describe the other parent's role without blame.
Cases are heard at the Downtown San Diego, Vista, El Cajon, and Chula Vista courthouses, and local practice can differ slightly between them. After more than 20 years of family law in San Diego County, we know how those differences tend to play out, and we have prepared parents from Pacific Beach to Rancho Bernardo for these sessions.
What does preparation cost?
Our hourly rate is $300, and a retainer for a new case typically ranges from $4,700 to $7,500, depending on the case. These are typical figures, not a fixed quote. The first consultation is free.
To talk through your situation, text or call our office for a quick response. More on the San Diego child custody attorney page and the mediation page.
This is general information about California family law. It is not legal advice, and reading it creates no attorney-client relationship.